Jamaican Me Crazy
by Luna Darkside
Summary: Kaito and pickup lines versus an oblivious Shinichi. This can only go poorly. /ShinKai, oneshot, complete/


**Pairing: **Shinichi x Kaito (reversible)

**Warning: **shounen-ai, grammar mistakes / errors, general stupidity

**Notes: **I am very sorry. Very, very sorry. I just – I just really wanted to write one of those stupid pickup line fics.

Enjoy…? – Luna

**Jamaican Me Crazy**

"Do you have a Band-Aid?"

Frowning, Shinichi looked up from the case file (murder of an English professor at Teito University) that was sitting in front of him. "What?"

His best friend, Kuroba Kaito, grinned at him from across the room. Untangling his legs from underneath himself, he straightened in the armchair he was currently occupying. "Because I just scraped my knee falling for you."

Shinichi blinked one, two, three times.

Kaito smiled dazzlingly.

"But you're sitting down."

Kaito fell out of his chair (dazzlingly).

"Yes, that's… Right. Okay." He rubbed his leg where it had come into forceful contact with the ground. He'd always known that Shinichi was kind of dense, but Kaito had been dropping hints for God knows how long, and Shinichi _still _hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary. It had gotten to the point that Kaito was actually resorting to _pickup lines_.

His pride couldn't bear it.

"Hey, Shinichi?"

With a loud sigh, Shinichi tore his gaze away from the file again to meet his eyes. "What is it _now_, Kaito?" he asked with that tireless patience he'd somehow managed to acquire, and Kaito allowed himself three seconds of internal dancing over his small victory of getting the two of them on a first-name, no-honorific basis.

"I'm not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together."

Something flickered in Shinichi's eyes. "So can I, actually."

_Wait, did that mean…? _Kaito's heart stammered in his chest, and he began, "Really, you…" He trailed off as Shinichi dug around in his pocket, pulling out his cell phone.

Dragging his finger across the screen, Shinichi presented a picture of the last time they'd gone to Tropical Land together to Kaito. "We've got tons of pictures together. I think I have some more, actually. This one's my wallpaper at the moment, though…"

Kaito was very, very close to looking for the closest wall to bash his head against.

Shinichi was still swiping through his photos, making a face at one (Kaito picked up the words _damn Hattori _and _he said there was something on the ground_), when Kaito blurted out, "Are you religious?"

"Huh?" Shinichi set down his phone to stare at Kaito. "Not really, no. But you _know_ that. Why are you asking such weird –"

"Because you're the answer to all my prayers," Kaito finished, waiting for a response.

Eyebrows raising slowly, Shinichi seemed at a loss for words. "I… was not aware of that."

_That…?_

"That you were religious. What are you? Shinto?"

Yes, Kaito _really _needed a wall. Preferably brick.

He sagged against the chair. Shinichi was eyeing him, concern plain on his face. "Hey, Kaito, you're being weird. What's going on with you?"

"My doctor says I'm lacking Vitamin U?" Kaito tried listlessly, watching Shinichi out of the corner of his eye.

"Really?" Shinichi scowled, tilting his head pensively. "Are you sure your doctor is certified? I don't think there's a Vitamin U. I know there's Vitamin A, and then a bunch of Bs, and then C, D, E, and K, but no U." He furrowed his brow. "Maybe you should try my doctor. Because seriously, Kaito, you're acting _really _weird."

Kaito flung his hand dramatically over his eyes. (He was entitled to some dramatics at this point.) This was ridiculous. Shinichi was even worse than he'd thought. It was insane how dense one person could be.

Of course, Shinichi was also incredibly intelligent and brilliantly snarky and flawlessly beautiful and secretly kind and everything Kaito had ever asked for, so that made Kaito take pause before he gave completely up on him.

Wrapped up in his thoughts, Kaito didn't notice Shinichi creeping up on him until there were cool, gentle fingers on his wrist and his arm was lifted off of his eyes. Shinichi's face, worry clearly written along the wrinkle of his eyebrows and the slight downturn of his lips, loomed close. "Are you okay?"

Sputtering incoherently, Kaito dragged himself away from Shinichi, breathing hard. Had the man never heard of personal space? "Y-You're too close!"

Sitting back on his heels, Shinichi studied his face with his head slanted to one side. "Like I've been saying for the past five minutes, what is _wrong _with you? You're all… weird."

"Well…"

Shinichi shook his head reprovingly. "What was up with those questions? You sounded as if you were talking to someone you've never met before. And we've definitely met." His eyes were hard to read, masked well, but Kaito, a master of understanding body language, immediately noticed the muscle twitch in his cheek, showing that he was gritting his teeth. "We _know _each other."

Kaito stared, a lump rising uncomfortably in his throat. There was – there was something in Shinichi's eyes, something that was just a little sad and a little worn, and it made his chest constrict.

His mouth felt dry as he hesitantly asked, "What – what would you do if I told you there was something I've been trying to tell you?"

At the sudden change in topic, Shinichi grimaced. "Why do you keep ducking my questions?"

"Just…" Kaito swallowed. "Just answer the question."

"I would tell you to just tell me whatever it is and stop dancing around it." Shinichi's eyes narrowed slightly, almost irritably. "What do you think I'll do, kill y –"

"I love you."

Shinichi froze.

Mouth instantly going bone dry, Kaito looked down into his lap. Dread was filling his stomach, slowly but surely, and he felt choked by it. "I've – I mean, I've always sort of been in love with you, and I just… I've been trying to let you know more, uh, subtly, but –"

But before Kaito could finish, hands cupped his face, and lips pressed lightly, heartstoppingly to his.

Kaito's eyes flew open in surprise, and he gave an undignified, "Mmph?!" before Shinichi's tongue was suddenly in his mouth and he gave an (even more undignified) squeak. Warmth spread through his chest, reaching every part of him, and he let himself go, draping his arms over Shinichi's shoulders and dragging him in closer.

Shinichi pulled back – though not far. He rested his forehead against Kaito's, his breath ghosting across Kaito's lips teasingly.

"You…" Kaito was having a hard time utilizing words. "That – doesn't that mean –?"

"Do you have a map?"

Startled, Kaito just stared. "What?"

Shinichi's eyes sparkled as a smirk curled his lips. He hummed, lacing a hand through Kaito's hair. "Because I'm lost in your eyes."

* * *

**Doesn't everyone love secretlynotdense!Shinichi? Especially because I always write him as uncharacteristically dense.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed. Consider dropping me a review, k? See you around! - Luna**


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